Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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