Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
