Welp...herpes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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