I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My ass is underappreciated
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
