I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish you could order shots online.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
