i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
