Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
