I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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