he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
