and you said cock pushups were impossible
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
