Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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