So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
