My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
