I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
