Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
