i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize