I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
