biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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