It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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