i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
