Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
