The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
