now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
