they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
