Where are you?
In a non slutty way
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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