he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
