on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
