mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
