I wish I could teleport
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
