this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
