I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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