I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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