I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
