ugly people sure do ruin things
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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