...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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