I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
