capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So many bounce houses so little time
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
