Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
