I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
