Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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