I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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