It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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