I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
