you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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