college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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