He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
