Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
