Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
