trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
