God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
