I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
