It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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