idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
