He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
