They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
