your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
