Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
