She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
