Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
