I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
